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Post by Chris Churner on Sept 10, 2010 17:24:05 GMT -5
Chris waited for Maria impatiently. This was the first time she had been out of the hospital in almost two months. He wanted to see her so bad it was killing him inside. He paced back and forth, trying to decide what to say to her when she finally came. If he said he wouldn't be with her, she'd probably just go and try to kill herself again. And if he said yes, would he be able to be responsible when he was with her? Or would he be too foolish and put her in danger? Should he, or shouldn't he?
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Post by Maria Goldsten on Sept 10, 2010 17:35:15 GMT -5
Maria walked out of the hospital for the first time in two months. Well- not exactly walked out. She had refused a wheel chair, and she couldn't use crutches because her arm was in a sling, so she had a bad and awkward limp with her left leg. She wasn't aloud to do anything physical other than walking, because her concussions were still healing. She also had stitches everywhere, mostly on her head, leg and arm, but on her shoulders and one by her eye too. Obviously, this was the last way she wanted to look when she saw Chris. All she could think was: Will he think I look bad? Will he leave me again? Will he even show up? She opened the door, and all her doubts vanished. She saw him, standing there, and she couldn't move.
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Post by Chris Churner on Sept 10, 2010 17:44:37 GMT -5
Chris sighed impatiently. Was she still too hurt to come? Did she even want to come at all? He looked at the door for the thousandth time and relief flooded over him as he saw her outline. Well her outline with the casts and splints and sling. He almost ran over to her and when he reached her he quickly checked to make sure she all right and when he looked her in the face, he realized he didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything.
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Post by Maria Goldsten on Sept 10, 2010 18:15:11 GMT -5
Maria stared at him in shock, unable to speak. She knew what to say, she just couldn't make it come out. She felt like she was choking, her breath run out with no air left to speak. Finally, she said the only thing she could. Hi
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Post by Chris Churner on Sept 10, 2010 18:26:29 GMT -5
Chris couldn't even bring himself to say hi back. His eyes were shiny and looked like glass. He swallowed in reply and nodded his head. Then, just barely noticable, he signaled with his for her to come and sit down. He followed her to a few empty seats and sat down after she was comfy, still not saying a word.
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Post by Maria Goldsten on Sept 10, 2010 18:36:25 GMT -5
Maria followed him, her breathing a bit shallow. She felt like something was wrong. She slowly sat down next to him, trying to get in a position where she wasn't sitting on a bad bruise or a cut that still stung. She looked at him, her mouth dry. She couldn't take it anymore. She did the simplest thing she could do. She lightly dropped her head down to rest on his shoulder, closing her eyes.
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Post by Chris Churner on Sept 10, 2010 20:08:04 GMT -5
Chris closed his eyes tight, but didn't move. He swallowed back some tears and opened his eyes again. He just sat there letting her head lay on his shoulder, but he didn't lean his head on hers, and he didn't pull away. He just sat there, staring off into space, deep in thought, but at the same time, not thinking about anything at all.
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Post by Maria Goldsten on Sept 10, 2010 20:12:31 GMT -5
Maria lifted her head, looking up at him, not sure what to say. What's wrong... She asked softly yet worriedly, pretty sure she knew the answer but wanting him to tell her himself anyways.
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Post by Chris Churner on Sept 10, 2010 20:37:43 GMT -5
He snapped back to the real world when she spoke. He looked down at her for a moment and then back off into space. And shrugged the should she wasnt leaning on. He wasn't sure his voice worked anymore and wanted to save it for just the right time to see if it still did. His head dropped a little bit so it was tilted forward torwards the floor, and his gaze followed down to the ground.
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Post by Maria Goldsten on Sept 11, 2010 11:00:24 GMT -5
Maria put her bandaged hand over his, intertwining her fingers with his. You can't leave me... I'm nothing without you... She said, looking into his eyes, wanting him to say something.
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Post by Chris Churner on Sept 13, 2010 18:44:37 GMT -5
He felt her hands interwined his and didn't even look over or bother to move his his hand He just let it lay there limpy. Chris knew he couldn't stay quiet anymore, but he had to prepare himself for what he was about to do. He closed his eyes and took in a long, slow deep breath and let it out just as slowly. After a few minutes of silence, he finally turned torward her and looked her directly in the eyes, with his own eyes that were shining from unshead tears. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. After another minute of just staring into her eyes, he spoke at last. "I can't win." His tone was flat and his face had no expression, only his eyes. "If I agree to be with you then I'll be too foolish and put you in harms way, and I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you, so I lose." He started to move abit more in his seat as he got more into what he was saying. "If I don't agree to be with you then you're just going to go and kill yourself, and I might kill myself if you did that, so again, I lose." He looked down at the floor, deep in thought, trying to figure out a way to solve this problem. Without looking up, he lowered his voice almost to a whisper. "There might be one way..."
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Post by Maria Goldsten on Sept 13, 2010 18:48:30 GMT -5
Maria stared at him, not sure what to do, or say, or think. Her thoughts were scrambling, her heart racing in her chest. She listened to him talk more to himself then to her, and she bit her lip, wishing he would just choose the first choice. What is it?
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Post by Chris Churner on Sept 13, 2010 19:27:36 GMT -5
Chris stared at the floor again. "If.." He wasn't sure how he should explain it. "It's difficult to explain. I don't know. Maybe it's just a stupid idea. I shouldn't have even said anything. I--" he broke off, unsure of what to say next. His idea, it could work, but he didn't know if he had enough strength. He prayed to God he did because he knew she wouldn't let it go. He shook his slightly and sat there in his chair staring blanky at the table in front of him.
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Post by Maria Goldsten on Sept 13, 2010 19:29:26 GMT -5
Maria stared at him, wishing he would just give her a straight answer. Just tell me, She pleaded desperately.
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Post by Chris Churner on Sept 13, 2010 20:05:54 GMT -5
He knew she wasn't going to give it up, so he decided to just save himself the time. Refusing to look up at her, he opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again, thinking about what to say. "If I agreed to be with you..." he began slowly. He wanted to chose his words carefully. "I'd have to constintly remind myself I can't be stupid when I'm with you." He looked up at her directly in the eyes, showing he was totally serious right now. "And you would have to understand what that means. It means I won't be as into the relationship as you. I will still be the happiest man on earth just being with you, but if I start to act like it, then I'll lose all common sense and I can't let that happen." He was searching for ways to explain this clearer to her. "I wouldn't be the normal boyfriend, but you have to know that I will still love you with all my heart. I probably won't smile alot when I'm with you to remind myself to keep control, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy. I'll still kiss you and hold your hand, but nothing serious until I know I won't do anything stupid." He paused for air. He looked back down to the ground and closed his eyes as a single tears rolled down the side of his face. Without moving, he finished pleading. "Please understand."
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